What I Do In Therapy

I do particularly well with lists of capital-T-Truths. Truth is always at the heart of healing, and finding it is the ultimate goal of therapy. In a recent session, I was dealing with the problematic and painful cognition “I am a bad person/I am broken”. This was a huge problem for me for several years, […]

Congratulations! You’re a Horrible Person.

Am I a bad person? If I am, how can I be better? I’ll do whatever it takes to be better, please just tell me how. My introduction to borderline personality disorder was through my best friend and my mother, both of whom I love very much. They both have mothers who have been diagnosed […]

Life After Husband

All I Have To Do Is Feel; Day Two of the Aftermath   He’s gone. He was my biggest and most important metric for success, meaning that without him, I’m unmoored. I’m writing lists of values and priorities and goals now that my life is wide open, which is terrifying, exciting, and promising. But “be […]

Not My Fault. Still My Responsibility.

We are each completely responsible for every single decision we ever make. We have to live with the consequences of all situations and decisions, even ones that are not our fault. “Living with consequences of your decisions” is another way of saying “being responsible for your life”. I do believe that some decisions we make […]

Angry At Everything

I’m really struggling, and I just want to be heard. Please hear me. Please don’t be offended. I need to vent. This is me angry. I’m not angry at you. Please keep that in mind. I just need someone to hear me say all of this. I need it out. I need it said. You’re […]

Fact-checking. What’s Real?

I’ve had doctors who were surprised that I can distinguish most of my hallucinations from reality, so I’m led to believe it’s not common, but I am not a professional. I know when I’m in a psychotic episode and I can use logic to detect most hallucinations. I call it “fact checking”. If I’m in […]

How I Learned That Change Is Always On The Way (or Hope In Water)

    One time, about 5 years ago, I was on an antipsychotic medication that was known for being very safe and having few side effects. I will not name it here, because I don’t believe that telling others about my bad experiences with medication is safe or appropriate. This medicine helps millions of people; […]

Scared of What’s Next

Over the past month, I’ve been declining. The other night, my husband made a minor comment that made me feel bad, and I fell into a thought spiral on the thought “It’s not supposed to be this hard.” I started crying. I sank deeper into dark ideas, feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness and meaninglessness. When […]