Not My Fault. Still My Responsibility.

We are each completely responsible for every single decision we ever make. We have to live with the consequences of all situations and decisions, even ones that are not our fault. “Living with consequences of your decisions” is another way of saying “being responsible for your life”.

I do believe that some decisions we make are not completely voluntary, in the sense that sometimes the mind allows us to believe things that are incorrect, especially during psychotic episodes. Other times, there are decisions of inaction caused by severe depression. But no matter where in your brain the decision came from, no matter how impaired you were when you made the decision, even if it was not your fault, you are still completely responsible for what happens afterward. Many common situations in mental illness will not be your fault at all, but you’re still responsible for how you decide to react.

If you’re mad right now, then you’re not listening. Calm down, and I’ll explain.

There are tons of things that are not our fault but are still our responsibility. Mental illness is not your fault at all. But how you respond to it is still completely your responsibility. If I have a panic attack in a grocery store, that panic attack is not my fault. But I will still have to take responsibility by deciding what to do about it. I could decide to leave. I could decide to do a breathing exercise. I could strip naked, wear my underwear as a hat, and run through the store screaming the lyrics to “I Will Survive”. I could even decide to ask someone else what to do, and yes, even for that decision I am responsible.

Deciding to delegate to a stable person or choosing inaction are also still decisions. I know all too well that deep depression can keep me inert. I may not be able to get out of bed some days. Just like with the panic attack, this is not my fault. But making decisions is still always my responsibility, which means I will be directly affected by any action or inaction that I choose. Whatever decision I make, I am responsible for how I respond to that situation, and I will be responsible for the next situation that my decision brings me to. Making a decision about anything is taking responsibility.

Everything in your life affects you in some way, and your reaction to each situation directly affects you with its outcome. You are already responsible for yourself and your decisions, so actively recognizing the power you have always had is a tool that can vastly and rapidly change the way you see yourself and your personal power to affect change. People who can correctly identify the times in which they can choose between different outcomes have a higher sense of stability and self-worth.

Whether we actually have free will or not, we still are forced by our own brains to live as though we do have free will. Taking responsibility for every single decision you make, plus the consequences of each of those decisions, is the single most empowering thing you can do with your mind (I’d rank mindfulness as the second most empowering). Once you take complete responsibility for everything in your life, regardless of whose fault it is, you realize that you contain immeasurable power, including the power to change yourself and your life through the decisions you make every day.

 

Thoughts? I will listen.