Welcome to the Alliance of Pissed-Off Leftists: Stand and Fight!

By Emily (@goldfishpainter0 on tiktok, @goldfishpainter on tiktok, Insta, Facebook, and twitter) Alliance of Pissed Off Leftists is a friend to all people who want to fight the  ::deep sigh:: fucking Civil War.  The Alliance of Pissed Off Leftists is a group of people currently gathering on social media, who are ready to take action […]

That Damned Snake: An Essay on Pain

Written by Guest Author, Elliott Ridenour: Like every day and night, I’m in a lot of pain. I’m not sleeping for about the sixth day in a row. Not to exaggerate, I have gotten a total of four hours over those six days. But there are lessons to be gained from pain. So instead of […]

I’m My Own Lab Rat

close up photo of white mice

About twenty minutes after my 4 pm dose yesterday, I had a bad reaction to my most recently added med. It made me extremely dizzy, with spinning vision similar to the way things look when you’re so drunk that you’re about to vomit. I also felt like I was walking in reduced gravity. With every […]

Why The Fuck Am I Back Here?

Sitting in my wheelchair on the Intensive Care Patient Unit at the DePaul Psychiatric facility, I wept loudly and openly at the sight before me. “How am I back here?!” It wasn’t a question. I lost all sense of whatever decorum and dignity I had left, as I was under the watchful eye of no […]

No Care For The Doomed: Intensive Care Ward

I’d only been on the Intensive Care Patients’ ward for five minutes before I accidentally made an enemy of a hostile schizophrenic woman who presented the possibility of danger. I wasn’t wrong. The primary purpose of the Intensive Care Patients’ ward is to prevent harm to self or others. If you’re dangerous, ICP is your […]

My Accident and the Hospital

It started with a hot piece of glass. I’d sucked hot flame through the empty, broken glass bowl of a waterpipe I use to smoke hemp flower until it was hotter than it had been since its creation, and I slowly and confidently pressed it into the soft, sensitive, hairless skin of my inner forearm. […]

A Lamp and Food Stamps (a nightmare episode and then… success)

I had a horrible episode yesterday that culminated in me spending the night at my parents’ house. I hadn’t been to their house since late January except for one 3 minute trip inside to meet the new cats. I was in a desperate place. I could go into detail of all the problem situations I […]

What I would say if I could go back in time to my newly-diagnosed self.

Your psychosis ends. Hospitalizations end. Your episodes end. No matter how far away you go, you always come back. It will hurt like hell and you’ll see only one way out. Hold on. Don’t let it win. Stay stubborn enough to not let it win. The hospital is where you go to start getting better. […]